Hi, you’ve reached Mike Meyer. I’m not home right now, but if you’d like to leave a message, send me an email and I’ll be sure to get back with you as soon as possible.
My username is meyer on just about everything that matters. Notable exceptions are Tumblr and Flickr—I’m mikemeyer on those two.
I am in a plane, suspended in and moving through the air that separates Portland from Brooklyn. The plane is sucking up the air in front of us and putting it behind us. In about twelve hours it will do the exact same thing, but in reverse.
It is 2014 and I am editing this webpage on my incredibly massive mobile phone. “Smart phone” is a misnomer—it’s a dumb term coined by smart people for the purpose of selling dumb phones to dumb people. I’d rather we (as in All Humans) called them “hand computers”, kind of like how a couple of decades ago, we called phones that were in cars “car phones”.
It is 2014 and yet JetBlue still insists on selling those flimsy little airplane headphones. The flight attendant calls them “headsets” which seems very 80s.
It is 2014 and yet one cannot take a tool (as in Hand Tool) longer than seven inches onto the top side of an airplane. I was fairly certain that this rule was an on-the-spot fabrication by an enterprising TSA agent in need of a new pedal wrench, but according to the agent’s supervisor, it’s a Legitimate Thing. Or perhaps they’re in cahoots. Exceptions to the rule aren’t made because, and I quote, they’d be “making exceptions all the time”, which is, apparently, a bad thing. I was considering telling the supervisor that the wrench was a sex toy, but they probably have arbitrary limitations on those, too.
It is 2014 and yet I still cover my ears the moment my hand leaves the “flush” button on airplane toilets.