~lynx > words

While I was in university, I became convinced that I needed to learn how to communicate better. I felt I had something to say, and I was determined to figure out how to say it in a way that made others sit up and take notice. I don't actually think I succeeded, but I still write anyway.

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Being, doing

I've been chewing on the idea of doing v. being for some time now. What does it mean to "be" something? What does it mean to be kind, to be compassionate, to be any of the things we frequently try to see in ourselves or others?

Typically this leads me back to the doing. There are actions we take that may convince others to bestow certain labels, certain "be"s upon us. So then to "be" kind, one must "do" kindness. I guess in that way it's performative. That is to say, we become what we do.

Usually this leads me back to what I can only conceive of as the story I tell about myself. I say I'm a shy person for example, but what do I do that communicates that? I don't talk much in large groups, I swing between making too much and too little eye contact, I try not to draw attention to myself around strangers. I think of that as shy, but maybe to someone else that reads as antisocial. Beyond that, there are behaviors I have among much smaller groups of known people that I would definitely not classify as the behaviors of a shy person. So is my self-perception correct? Is the story I tell about myself accurate? Am I "performing" shyness? Or is it antisociality? Or is it not actually shyness at all?

This is probably a set of questions that has no singular answer; after all, the person perceiving (or the recipient of) a given action will perceive or receive and potentially respond in a way that's unique to them. And naturally we do tailor our behavior to who we're with; I don't behave the same around coworkers as I do around my partner, for example. They may have totally different perceptions of me...or they may have the same. Or a mix! There are probably levels on which our behaviors remain consistent irrespective of setting and audience.

So then, am I anything? Are we all anything? Are we just our actions? I guess we are all, in some fashion, faceted gems, where turning us alters how we may be perceived. But we build up those facets somehow. If we start as an uncut gem, our actions become the tools by which the facets of our being are formed.